Adjusting as a Family of Four + One Month Update

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Has life been different since adding our sweet baby boy to our family. This past month has been so hard mentally and emotionally but oh so good. The first two weeks I really struggled in balancing my attention between Sophia and baby Anthony and it really tore me up inside that I could not give my all to either one. When I was taking care of this sweet new baby, I couldn't help but remember Sophia being a newborn and missing her. Man oh man how time goes by fast and this made me feel sad about missing Sophia's growth here and now as well.

Wondering if I soaked in enough time with her.

Was I truly intentional those first 19 months of being just her mommy?

And in turn, it made me realize I wasn't enjoying this newborn stage with baby Anthony and soaking up all the newborn cuddles. I found myself wanting him to sleep so I could go spend one on one time with Sophia and this cycle of thinking just kept circling my mind.

Was this postpartum depression?

Do all moms have this way of thinking when having two under two?

Or was my life circumstances (parents dying) playing a role in my guilt of not spending enough time with either?

Those few weeks were so long as I really considered what I was feeling and my mood got worse the longer I kept these feelings to myself. I finally opened up to Anthony and told him how I was feeling and the guilt I was having and wondering if I was suffering from postpartum depression and he was such an encouragement to me in reassuring me and comforting me.

Side note: Anthony has always been the one afraid he couldn't love or wouldn't be able to divide his attention for each child the same whereas I'm all let's have 20 kids and we will love them equally and now I am the one who was struggling with wondering if my time was enough with just two. It's funny how that worked out and he ended up having to lift me up.

Since that talk, I have been even more intentional with my time with Sophia and baby Anthony and trying to give myself grace because I can't do it all even if I want to. My mood has also greatly improved and I don't have that guilty feeling hanging over my head anymore. I'm able to enjoy baby Anthony and all his sweet little baby coos.

One Month Update

My big guy is the chunkest thing. He started off wearing size 1 diapers right away and after about 2 boxes is now in size 2 and we are thinking we may have to move him up to size 3 already! He also skipped newborn clothes altogether and went straight to 3 months and even now some 3 months are getting too small so moving up to 6 months has started happening at 6 weeks old!

This guy also started trying to hold his head up right away which we think is because he has such a huge neck. Well this guy is just huge all over who am I kidding, haha. He has even started trying to scoot when doing tummy time, like what the what? He is really trying to speed ahead in milestones all at once and mommy just needs him to slow down.

His sleep has been somewhat of a struggle this first month which honestly is to be expected since we are all adjusting to this new way of life. The first few weeks, he took really good naps during the day and decided to have parties at night and we quickly knew we needed to help him change that because when you have more than 1 kid, there is no sleeping when the baby sleeps. Once we finally got him sleeping pretty well at night (it only took about a day or two for him to catch on), this guy decided we wouldn't take naps during the day. He would only take one nap during the day and luckily he would do that at Sophia's nap time so we got some type of break from both kids. Although his nap times during the day were hit or miss, his bedtime was amazing. He was sleeping from around 8-11 pm, nurse back to sleep until 2 am, nurse, sleep until 4 or 5 am, nurse, sleep until around 7 or 8 am and up for the day so about every 2-3 hours. He quickly dropped the 11 pm feeding when I started to dream feed him at that time. I only did it twice so now at 6 weeks old, he is in bed around 8 or 8:30 pm, he wakes up to nurse around 2 am, again around 5 or 6 am, again around 8 or 9 am and wakes for the day around 10 or 11 am. This is on average, there are still nights were he may wake up one extra time or his day may start at 9 am instead but overall he is a much better sleeper at night then Sophia was as an infant. The last week daytime naps have been very consistent and going good so hoping that will continue.

So my biggest lesson with being a mom with two under two is to work on my time management. There is so much going on and so much to do but my kiddos come first. Dishes will always be there, the floor will always need to be cleaned but they are only this little for so long. Therefore, I want to make the most of my time with them and when they are napping at the same time or playing independently, I want to be productive with that time instead of mindless scrolling on social media.